complications, life and......

eid mubarak2

2004-11-13T20:02:00.000+08:00

Eid mubarak....

since the people who only reads my posts are really my best and/or good friends, here's wishing all of you...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA & MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

*what i'd give to be able to be there on raya night!!!! jeez. hehe... u guys have fun, enjoy the holidays, eat and be merry, and be thankful for everything you have. *

and... remember me in your prayers too.

Love,
Ja

eid mubarak

2004-11-13T19:48:00.000+08:00

last day of ramadhan, n a tribute to the people i love~

its close to 1pm here, but i'd already heard my fave takbir raya, on the phone, with mum's sobbing as the foreground... its abit past buka on e last day of ramadhan in singapore now. haiz. n i'm not there at the dining table at home, with them. n mum's cooking. HAIZZZZ

i tink today's not such a gd day for emotions. hehe. i thot i wouldnt cry, that i'd be composed calling homeup, but mum, upon hearing my voice, burst into sobs, n couldnt speak. n me, being me, burst into bigger sobs till I cant speak. how abt that????

so she passed the phone to ajeeb. who was tryin to hide his sadness, by askin me so many questions abt work. n Dad, didnt even wana get on the phone, cos he will burst into even bigger sobs on hearing his darling daughter's voice!!!! they are soooo missing the only crazy woman, daughter n sister this evening.

n i'm missing them.

my family.

*now u noe whr i get my idiosyncrasies from?*

im here.

2004-11-10T05:29:00.000+08:00

in the house.

i am here. i am safe. thanks for your care and concern.

abit tired these few days, trying to keep up with training and orientation n shite. n the changes in weather, and new friends, and missing home n old friends. so this will be a short one. till i catch my breath. hehe

i am surviving ya'all. :p alhamdulillah. may HE guide me thru these times.

* to all those closer to me, ned ayu yotz.. so sory for not informin u guys. i do have my reasons, i hope u guys wont kill me when i get back thr. am so sorry for makin ya'all worry. n ayu, ur tears for my departure, i will always remember. i love u, gona always be here for you, the distance won't matter. u noe my number babe. ned, u're stronger. help me look aftr her. ;p god bless u guys. insya allah.

*raya is comin. ja aint lookin forward to it. ja's gona cryon tat very day. i jus noe it. haizzzzzzzzzz.

im glad i went

2004-11-04T14:25:00.000+08:00

i'm glad i went.

date/day: 02.11.04, Tuesday
time: 7.00pm
venue: baghdad st - a somewhat small cafe - samar (pronounced the arab way- as taught by mim - it is 'samerrrrrrr') *lol*
theme: arabic everything. from the menu, to the lighting, to the sit-on-the carpet style dining.
occasion: iftar-cum-gathering of the longlost brady bunch.
attendance: 7 guys, 2 girls. 8 ex-dunmanites, n 1 out of place lyndalam. *lol lol lol*

me n lynda rchd afew mins aftr buka. hehe. hey even the cabbie didnt noe whr the plc was!

1st impression - cosy place, very arab lor. we sat on an elevated platform-like corner, on carpets and surrounded by cushions. nice....

the food for 1 person was enough for 3 of me. maybe 4. *i didnt know arabs were such big-eaters*

becks, a non-vege eater, ordered something which came full of vege. lol. mim had this drink.. zaki called it susu-unta (camel's milk... *lol*) which i think had abt 10 gallons of honey in it. lynda had a 'bin laden' *lol lol lol* they even had sheesha - apple flavoured!!

it was a nice, light-hearted gathering... *kudos n thx to mr riadi for the organization :p* overdose of zaki's madness at the table. mim n hafiz's frenzy with camera phones. lynda's paranoia with riadi. one of the guys getting married!!!! most of us trying to catch up on what's been happening in everyone else's life. been veryyyyy long since we had one, really. *everyone said so, so its not just me being sentimental horkay!!*

time flew by.. very fast. we didnt even know it was already 11pm when it came.. *prolly the last time i see em till 6 mths latr.. so i kinda didnt expect it to be over so fast... :( *

*at certain points during the night i just sat back n just observed em.. topics came n went, the most popular was marriage.. :p my friends have all matured, with time. in some ways i saw the mischievous, rowdy boys i soooo knew n during sec skool, in other ways, i see em in a different light. the same boys who had once shared textbooks, soccer matches, crushes and almost everything schooly with, are the very men that i am seeing in front of me. hard to explain aint that? some changes were visible, others not... @ the end of the day, all thanks and praises to HIM for being able to bring us together on that simple night. might not mean much to some, but it meant a whole lot to me...*

sunday mornin.

2004-10-31T14:13:00.000+08:00

sunday morning gibbers.

made a promise to get up bright n early this morning for class @ jamiyah. ned told em its gona be the last one till aftr raya. besides, i havent met ned in awhile! :p

he was intrestingly hilarious, as usual. an absolutely refreshing way to spend a sunday morning. ned was helping me with translations, and hidden meanings. hehe dunoe what i'm gona do w/o her beside me in class, really. ned's girls dayah n aza were thr too.

trudged along with em to geylang pasar aftr that for a short while, one of em had to exchange something she bought.. yeah yeah, ja went on her 1st trip to geylang afterall. *tho it was just a short one, and the sun didn't show us any mercy...* hehe.

then... the shopping frenzy started for the 3 of em... tudungs la, baju punjab la... haiyo. n ja looks on.. *sedih abit lor, so many things i see that i cant wait to get my hands on, but since i'm abt leaving.. why waste money right????*

then ja thot abt missing the last few days of ramadhan. the madness of cleaning up the house, the kecoh-ness of the bazaar *the pakcik trying his best to make mum buy fake flowers lol*, the grimy-ness of making kuihs, the feeling of satisfaction at the curtains well put up. n the religious songs heard on the last buka, which ja has this absolute madness for.. *i dunoe why they make me feel very peaceful somehow* hehe. so many things i'll be missing lor.... hai z haiz haiz.

sat home in a cab with em, giggles on their 'irc' days. lol. zaman bila tu eh?? ja kept mum mainly coz she wasnt really into the 'irc' zaman. hehe. funnie how the 3 of em got connected thru chatting, and eventually became 'real' frens.

wonders. :p

crossroads.

2004-10-31T14:07:00.000+08:00

how many crossroads are there in life?

ja's definition of crossroad:- a point in your life where u sit and stare at 2 split roads, either or. which would you choose? each has their fair share of challenges n joys.

so how many are there in one's life? can there be more than one? n how do u make that very important decision, for you noe the road you choose will not have any u-turns. choose, and never regret.

hmm.. something for u peeps to ponder on? hehe.

*and btw, this has nuthg to do with my job thingie... more to an overall LIFE thing. :p

n yet again.

2004-10-28T21:49:00.000+08:00

when the nurse calls..

my hp rang this morning.

'leen, i'm calling from So n So clinic. your tests results are ready. you have to come down for us to explain the tests results to you. also, you need to take another immunity jab *after this word whatever she said doesnt make sense already lor*... bblah blah blah yada yada yada... see u later, bye.'

i started day-maring *day-dream, night-mare.. day-mare, getiit??? LOL im lame, i noe* ... abt needles. AGAIN??????

*nyah tak cukup2 ker korang inject aku dpd tuesday, campur ni dah 4, 5 kali tau nyahhhhh*

so off i went trudging along orchard rd whr the clinic was sometime during the aftnn. haiz. rch onli, lucky no queue. then the doc called my name. went in. jeng jeng jeng.

the needle was already on her table.

n the rest, as they say is history.

ja rchd home, with a fever.. AGAIN. mum told me.. 'mummy dah agak dah, muker kau mesti balik sakit kena inject.'

dunoe i got the fever from normal reaction to jabs, or from my absolute afraid-ness of needles.

*dun laugh!!! hmmmphhhh*

on another note. my medical results came out all fine. Alhamdulillah. i'm pretty much in gd shape.

*n u guys noe what that means right? it further confirms my chances of leaving.*

the jabs still sting~

2004-10-26T21:52:00.000+08:00

the jabs still sting

after 24hrs, yes, i stil feel the sting. im not being a crybaby horkay. how do u explain my one arm being numb, and the other one being veryyyyy painful???

well, nuthg much to blog abt todae.

for some reason or anuther i'm looking forward to knowing the medical test results. will be comin out within these few days. not that im looking forward to knowin that im leavin soon, or being rejected for the post, but... hmm. hard to explain lor.. fickle fickle ja.

on another note.. was msn-ing with one of my close guy-pal in sec skool last time. kinda lost ctc with him for quite sometime. n then it occured to me how much we have ALL changed. really. since sec skul, when we were a bunch of playful monkeys monkeying around. having the fun time of the teen-hood. being pains in the asses.

time has passed. people change.

god i miss secondary school. n i miss them. alot actually.

the after effects of getting jabs

2004-10-25T21:11:00.002+08:00

the after effects of getting jabs.

things that came to mind when the doc took out the needle.. <3>:

1. run run run ja!!!

2. no time to run, how abt say go toilet, then run like mad out of the building?

3. tel doc i'm allergic to needles??

4. pretend to faint???

5. cry???

well.. at the 2nd jab, option number 5 came semi-true. it was just big fat tears welling up. LOL.

n the nurse went... 'u so big oready still scared of needles arr?????'

*tak takut nyah, segannnnnnnn*

jeez.

been doin good with the updates.

2004-10-24T14:54:00.000+08:00

been doin gd with the updates so far... yes/no?

hehe. i missed the morning's class @ jamiyah!! spent the whole of last night contemplating n thinking, woke up short of 10am. then trus thought of me girlie nedie. hehe... but knowing her, she would have gone w/o me.. thats how faithful she is thru her drive for more knowledge.. n onli few can appreciate her for what she's done with her life. n i am glad to say i am one of them. however changed she is, she will still be ned, a great friend, an even greater confidante.

jeez. im very mushy today. haiz.

well.. lets see...

im up for the medical checkups tmr morning... n if everything goes ok i shd be more or less confirmed then. n then onli reality will hit me straight on my chubby face.. n then i will freak out.

hehehe ja, ja ja...

ok so i will update agin on how the medicals went.. onli i hope i dun run away if they gona have needles pokin me... YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh n urs truly is gona break fast with the family today.. family affair... haiz. maybeone of my last few?????

:-(

trying to be a gd blogger.

2004-10-22T11:34:00.000+08:00

trying my best to be a gd blogger. hehehe update update update!

hehehe. the above title sums it all up LOL.

lets talk about things @ random.

1. geylang bazaar

i havent set foot thr yet, i just passed that plc while in the car a couple'a days back. sad to see not much units were taken up as compared to previous yrs, but i guess its still early in the month? hehe. n yeah without fail thr were so many teenagers prowling the bazaar, and i will not even attempt to say out whatever i feel or think about them here. astaughfirullah. maybe when they grow older they will realise the magicality of being able to be at ease with one's appearance of self without the fakeness of retail clinging to them. insya allah.

2. its gona be 2005 soon.

and once again i will ask myself what i have achieved this yr. n contemplate on 2005's resolution. hehe. that shd be fun...

3. my 1st bro is getting his riding license.

god protect him wherever he goes. i just hope he doesnt fall into the mat motors clique, pardon me, but sometimes i think they are bad influences... hehe wei whaddya expect im his elder sis, i am protective so there!!

4. my youngest bro is going thru an i-am-a-rebelling-teenager phase.

its iritating even the hell out of me. n i am the most patient one in the family, next to Dad. jeez. i keep putting myself in his shoes, asking what is it he could be facing thats making him be so crude, rude, short-tempered. GOD. now i noe how my parents felt when i was in secondary skool. i hope he wakes up n see that his attitude is pushing everyone else away from him.

5. i might not be here for Hari Raya.

n the above reason, is by far the biggest deterrent for me at taking up that o'seas job contract. haiz. i was wondering. i get homesick on my every business trip in S.E.A. how am i gonna survive being away for so long in europe then????????? n.. new environment, new working life, new almost everything. can i blend in? would i be ok? mom n dad seems to think that i cn do it... yeah well since i'm the onli 1 in the family thats really very P.R since i was young lor. hehehe.. so many things to think about, so little time. tick tock tick tock... haiz.

ok so there. hehehe. comments welcomed. :p

sooooooooooooo here we go

2004-10-20T18:10:00.000+08:00

hmm its been 18 days since i updated!!!!!!!!!

hehehe. not surprising, i must add lol.

so lets see. whats been happening of late.... i dunoe whr to start!!!! hehehe.

ok ok. this one first. i finally did it! after nearly 2 yrs of being thr, i finally tendered moir resignation.

YES, urs truly will be unemployed in a matter of weeks. hehe. thats fine by me. i'm actually lookin forward to being unemployed for that matter. LOL.

it took alot of thinking n contemplating actually, in case u guys didnt noe, i started to hate my job since the past few months. it was a case of nepotism in the office, n office politics doesnt help.

*ja shouts out to all her office gossips~~HELLO some people actually do just want to do their work in peace without getting into all the gossipin HORKAYYYYYY. jeez.

so on to the next topic. urs truly has also been shorlisted for an intresting job, u guys would just die of disbelief if i'd said it out here..

so i wont lol.

we'll see how that goes. if it happens, it happens ;-)

i've got broadbandddddddd!!!

2004-10-02T14:08:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey guess what????

yours truly have gotten herself broadband at home as at a couple'a days ago!!!!!!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! hehehe suker..

so i cn update regularly now without having to use the comp at work n hide2 from the evil eyes trying to catch me surfin the net all e time!! LOL.

n i even got meself a brand new cpu system, all updated n shite.. hehehehe. i can burn now!!!!! *oops. not suposed to say that out loud right??* hehehe

but too bad the new system will be in my bro's room tho.. they need it more for skool, so im stil sutuck with my laptop but nvm got LAN connection so that shd work for me hehehehe..

oklah.. i'll update agian in 13165498414165461 minutes time.

:P

its time to update..

2004-09-29T13:43:00.000+08:00

soo.. i need to update.

LOL.

this is in tribute to my tightest girlie.. NADIRA BTE ABDULLAH

HAPPY BIRD DAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
HAPPY BIRD DAE TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
HAPPY BIRD DAE DEAR NEDIE
HAPPY BIRD DAY TO YOUUUOUOUO.

jeez. i sound good. LOL

*happy 24th hon~ may you be blessed with all that you've worked and wished for, insya allah.. n may your 'new' lease of life give u all the peace and comfort you deserve... Love, Ja*

been exactly a week.

2004-09-17T13:52:00.000+08:00

its been exactly a week...

since i last blogged!!! jeez.

does that show how lazy.. or un-blogworthy i am??? hehe.

well - updates... i did nothing much this wek.. oh! i watched GARFIELD with boo that day, so cuteeeeeeeeeee lol. fat cat. reminded me of KITTY, boo's really fat, lazy, cunning pussy at home.. hehe.

work is gettin more n more mundane. i tink its really2 time for a breather.. n a nice change. whaddya tink?

i'm planning for a getaway trip somewhere in december.. phuket maybe? or australia.. i'll be working my budget towards that hehehe. any takers??? suker..... :p

my close girlie has chosen her way in life, her journey started monday, 13.09.04, syukur alhamdullilah, may HE bless her everyday. I do hope she gets the added support from her parents and sisters though, it would be a boost to her..

i'm missin my weird bunch of frens.. hehe the so-called bimbo, the loud dancer, the critical paramedic, the under-the-weather teacher. hehe. they're weird but each of them are very special in their own quirky ways... n i soooooo love them... loads. does that make me even weirder? LOL.

my secondary skool is having this alumni reunion thingie on sat aftnn, n they've invited those past students who'd made an impact on the school's history, AND I was invited. verbally, mind u. by a teacher... i didnt noe i even made an impact on that school???!!! hehe. i was always one of the louder, abit stubborn types of students at skool.. so it was a surprise when i got invited... i was like.. ' are they sure they've got the correct ex-dunmanite???' LOL

ok, i'll update again.. hopefully before the next week passes. hehee ;p

in the still of the nite..

2004-09-10T13:39:00.000+08:00

in the still of the nite...

i had an early nite ydae. i was too tired, and my eyes were very heavy, n my body needed a rest. so i was aslp at 12plus.

suddenly at 4plus.. in the wee hours of the morning, someone hurled a GLASSBALL into my 2nd-floor window. at 4 A.M... *i also heard the sounds of steps scurrying away.. tho at that point in time i was too dazed to think about anything..*

the glass ball shattered into pieces.

*i almost immediately jumped right out of my skin, rudely awaken.*

initially not knowing what was it that got me up, i sat up on my bed and stared around me. somehow the night seemed so much quieter than it should have been.

then i saw the broken glass pieces on the floor.. just underneath my room window. I got up n walked afew steps to take a look at the mess. half of the glassball was still just outside my windowsill, on the ledge. the other half remained pieces of glittering glass, all over my floor.

i couldn't do anything, i couldn't think straight, i was shocked, and no words could describe the overwhelming sense of scared-ness (*is there such a word? ned?*) i felt then. *i mean like... wat the heck... was that????*

i didnt sleep a wink after that.. till abt 6 plus when i finally gave up to fatigue.. and up till now, i still have no idea what happened. but whatever it is, it sure as hell freaked me out.. big time.

jeez

2004-09-07T09:52:00.000+08:00

how would you know...

1) if what you're doing is wrong.. or right?

2) if what you have been accustomed to all this while, is wrong?

3) if who you are with is MR RIGHT/WRONG?

4) if your decisions are gonna be right or wrong?

5) if the path that you are on right now.. is the correct one for you?

6) if the person whom you love with all your heart might not necessarily be THE one?

7) if the person whom you didn't even give that second glance.. is HIM/HER?

8) if the chance you failed to take.. is the ONLY chance you'd ever have at it?

9) if your friends might not be the friends that you thought they would be?

10) if everything else in your life is right/wrong?

hmmm... i wonder if there are specific signs that shows u the way.. or does it just hit you at a point of time.. or will someone lead u there... or do we get pointers?

hehe..

dun ask me why... i was just pondering.

its been a longggggggg week.

2004-09-03T11:08:00.000+08:00

its been a longggggggggggggggg week...

*breathe breathe breathe* hehehe. tryin to recollect/regroup/re-whatever.

its been hectic, this week. i had tonnes of reports to finish, datelines to meet. i didnt even have time to eat properly!! haiz. hehe...

so whats happened?

i fell sick in the beginning of the week. really. stress gets me really sick when it hits. my backache came back. i tink i need to go for an x-ray i think, but i'm dreading it. *what if something is really wrong with my back/spine?*

been spendin some time with Boo.. takin it at a slower pace. *i have learnt not to expect so much, to lower my expectations. it helps.. and i'm happier.*

i miss my homieboy.. who's away at Indonesia dancing to the dangdut sounds of JKT every night, i think. hehe... *rock on, but come back soon, please... the office is a ghost-town without your nonsense....*

i been doin some reciting, ned's been great, messaging n encouragin me every now n then.. *i really appreciate it girl.. thanks.. i love ya :p*

i missed ayu on her birthday.. 31.08.04. wished her tho.. *be meetin her on the weekend maybe to spend time with her as a belated celebration..*

the rest is ALLLLLL work. hehe.. the life of a working woman.

*who said it was easy?????*

:p

a time to think...

2004-08-30T09:45:00.000+08:00

a time to think...

confession...

i went to a religious class cum standup comedy (the ustadz was entertainingly hilarious!!) session on Sunday mornin. *surprised??? lol.

i got even before ned called me up.. n did a 5-min reality check on my bed. i asked myself whether i (me, myself, rozaleen..) was REALLY goin for a religious class. its been a long time... hmm. after 5mins of staring at nothingness, i decided i might as well go, it would do me good. *whatever i didnt understand, i'd have ned beside me anyway.. right?*

so i bathed and all.. then had a hard time trying to find something 'right' to wear.. haiz. freaking out, i also had to deal with the tudung!!! it kept slippin off, maybe its just my 1st time? *i'll do better with it next time, n that's a promise. lol*

then i hopped on a cab (i was late because of the above factors hehe) n picked ned up from her place. seeing my close gf in a tudung and proper attire, it was made for her. she looked fabulous!!! *and as her bf would say, masya allah!! hehe. :p* like an arab girl straight out from a tudung advertisement poster.. thats how i saw her. she also seemed seemingly calm and poised for herself in the attire..

we reached the place *which btw, was situated in one of the geylang lorongs.. hehe i tink its a high time they found a new place? hehe..* ard 9.45pm, n i saw a crowd.. its like a gathering i've never been in before. really. the place was packed, there were quite a number of teenagers too, thats somethin good to see..

we didnt really come prepared with anything, ned did bring along some of her texts, it helped abit.. but most of the time we were just listenin.. n laughin. the uztadz had dis way of digressin, but his anecdotes on the topics discussed were really hilarious.. it really diminished the age-old impression i had of uztadz being the really serious, no-nonsense type i used to have years ago...

*having ned beside me thruout the class was a blessing too. she was my guide. she had found a new light in her life, and she's sharing this light with me. n i'm thankful for that, and for her.. n i thank HIM for guiding her.. she seems to have found a more peaceful inner-self.*

*to sum it up.. i believe i was there for a reason. maybe HE wanted me to see what i'm missin out on..all these years. maybe HE wanted to re-instill my faith. maybe. but it surely was an eye-opener.. alhamdulillah*

lost...

2004-08-27T12:28:00.000+08:00

a tribute to my...

colleague, partner-in-crime, fellow slacker, gossip/bitchin-partner, close confidante, best friend (in the office), constant critic, stress-relieve comic, crap-talker, operations right-hand man, best router (for the deliveries), unwilling stand-in liar (whenever im late), cursin' friend, smokebreaks accomplice (tho i dun smoke i take the breaks anyway lol).. and constant complain-to victim...

whom i've just today lost to a month-long attachment at jkt.. damn.

i'm gonna miss him.. heck, we ALL are gonna miss him in the ofice.

the office will be so quiet w/o him really as much as i hate to admit it. jeez.

*so... if you're reading this from jkt..

*lucky lucky ASS u.. come back soon yah.. and... call.*

my story

2004-08-25T10:54:00.000+08:00

just a feelin'

you don't have to tell, i know. i can't explain how, but i just do. you may try to hide it, but i can feel it. its an inner feeling that had been honed thru the years, months, days... i would know if you'd do something wrong, i can even feel it if you're lying, i can sense if.......

*i wish i didn't have it either, it would lessen the doubts*

i'm afraid of getting hurt, so i enclose myself in this bubble that leaves little space for anyone to reach out to me.. emotionally. this way i won't be hurt so bad should anything happens..

and you say you don't understand me.

i may seem strong and even stronger-headed on the exterior, but shatter this bubble surrounding me, and you will see me as the weak, uncertain and insecure woman that i really am.. a woman who'd need THAT strong support, THAT feeling of being able to trust again.. to get her by.. to make her feel needed.. to make her feel secure.. again.

and that.. will be the day...

that you'd succeed in reaching out to me.

*but would you even try....?*

i'm leavin.. AGAIN

2004-08-25T10:44:00.000+08:00

i'm leavin.. for ANOTHER worktrip.

bummer.

does it matter that my back aches like mad after the chinese therapy session i last night (where the physician practially thumped my sprained back repeatedly!!!@!!)? NO.

does it matter that i have so much other things to do? NO.

does it matter that i haven't had enough rest these past few weeks? NO.

does it matter that i 've been feeling down these few days? NO.

does it matter that i am an unwilling party? NO.

does it matter what i think at all?????

NO.

jeez. work sucks at times like this dun it...

* be back on fri peeps.. cya....

a general question

2004-08-25T10:35:00.000+08:00

a general question...

would u rather be with someone you have known for sometime, but who gives you doubts... OR one whom you have just known, but worships the grounds you walk on?

would u rather choose the old route, which you are familliar with, but still feel insecure... OR take a new route, albeit u won't noe where it leads, but which doesn't give you so much doubt?

tick tock tick tock tick tock....

*which would I choose?*

thinkin..

2004-08-25T10:18:00.000+08:00

how can you...

how can you give your physicality to one... and say sweet-nothings to another?

*see my days are cold w/o you
but i'm hurting while i'm with you
and tho' my heart can't take no more
i keep on running back to you....*

look back..

2004-08-24T11:45:00.000+08:00

rewind.. to sat nyte.

i had a spat with him.. again. after dinner, and after pool with my girlies...

this time it was about an sms. it bothered me, but i kinda didnt want it to blow over so i pretty much just kept quiet n said i was ok when he asked.

he took offence at my aloof-ness. he said i might as well be in the other car, its the same as he be drivin alone anyway. he wanted to put down the phone, he said he didnt understand me.

oh well.

i fel alsp at 7 in the mornin.. got up on a Sunday aftrnoon with a heavy head and an even heavier heart, packed my luggage n left for my one-day work trip to M'sia..

i'll be back on Monday nyte..

*sometimes.. just sometimes.. i wish i didnt have so much responsibilities as i do*

back from a tiring trip

2004-08-24T11:24:00.000+08:00

back from a tiring trip..

i got back yesterday from the one-day trip at 10pm, totally pooped out n all tired, with an aching back.

wondering when all this madness with work/relationships in general would end.. *would it?*

i'm getting too stressed, too tired and i fall sick too easily. i hate being sick. its an overwhelming feeling of nausea, breathlessness, dizziness.. and self-pity.

jeez.

hmmm....

2004-08-19T13:35:00.000+08:00

i haven't updated in awhile...

its thurs. the week flew by in an eyeblink! jeez. hehe...

lets see what i did... hmm. work.. work.. n more work.. n some work again.. jeez. work's sooooo consumin my time.

ok ok let's talk about something else.

oh, oh!! hehe i was comin back home ydae just before 11pm all pooped out n tired.. n i practically threw myself on the bed n just laid down n closed my eyes for a moment of peace in all of the day's madness..

And then in comes the little one (the love of my life, the iritant in my house, the apple of my eye... my nephew hehe) toodling in with all of his cuteness n 'curlyfries' hair.. n he gave me a big hug n a sloppy kish (thats how he pronounces it as).. for no apparent reason!!!

n that.. just made my day's madness fade away.

:)

a blast of a weekend

2004-08-16T11:58:00.000+08:00

my weekend spent...

saturday..

headed out to Bugis while waiting for the 3 musketeers - yotz, ita n ned catched catwoman (i'd already watched it few days earlier..), Bo0 treated me to dinner at sWensEns.. yUmmYyyyyyyyyy.. hehe then he sent me off to meet em at town..

catwoman - *Lol. leather outfit, a sexy, sexy pussy.. oh, i meant lady, n lots of pussy-action.. its every man's dream show.. guys, go watch!!*

oh.. hehe had a kopi session at cofebean at borders... it was just the 4 of us ( ayu had dance practice... too busy.) n topics we usually talked about.. n then the fun began on the train ride home.. as usual. the digi-frenzy starts!!!

hehe we took pics on the train.. again. nothing new, except that we had our fair share of onlookers on this train ride! hehe. n some of them were even giggling with us! ohhh... *i'd bet these people dunoe that they had a teacher, a paramedic, and an accountant within the 4 of us - at the rate we were behavin!* LOL.

Sunday...

was spent swimmin with yotz, ned, ita n adli! hehe. more fun n splash n comic n hmmm.. hey we got nice tans too!! check it out, go to yot'z blog.. we an an impromptu swimming lesosn from 'instructor' adli.. the tornado stroke, the side stroke, the whatever stroke which were all very salah lor... hehe but it was all fun.

oh.. n we had swensen's ( yeah yeah for me i noe.. again! hehe) for lunch!!! :p

monday mornin... jeez

2004-08-16T11:45:00.000+08:00

have i told u guys i hated mondays mornings??

well, i do. i came to work to see my usually spanking clean desk in a HUGE mess n i mean huge. its like someone just hurled all the papers n shite on my desk. when in actual fact it wasn't really hurled at my desk, its just that the people using my desk before this were a bunch of iritatingly-annoyingly-bo-liao-couldn't-care-less nincompoops. there.

*i wish i can use vulgarities but i AM trying not to swear in my hopes of being a better individual.* jeez.

AS SUCH, i will:

- paste a huge, colourful (for the blind ones) note on my pc just before i go back today, to remind whoever that used my computer to clean up after themselves.

- put 2 ashtrays infront of the pc, to remind them NOT to throw their dumb ashes around everywhere.

- label ALL my stationeries, so i can know who's using them when i next come in.

- label ALL their documentation trays so these nincompoops noe where to put what papers at.

heyyyyyyy i tink i will just grab a rafia string and put a no-entry sign at my room door!!! saves me all the above trouble duncha tink???

consider..

2004-08-11T14:53:00.000+08:00

considering a change..

i've got a job offer.

a management position at our JKT branch. expat pay, lodging/transport allowance, once a month, week-long trip back home. the stint could start as early as the end of this year.

so.. i'm contemplating. to, or not to. give me views, people.

thinkin thoughts...

2004-08-11T14:24:00.000+08:00

let's be serious.

hehe. for once.. im trynna be serious. ok, this was what got me thinkin. hehe. went out for supper with Bo0 ydae evening.. n he started talking about his dilemma... guess what it was?

choosin a flat... as in a home.

yes, i mean, really. Bo0 is buyin a flat.

i was surprised. hmm.. i mean, he's like practically about my age, n isn't being 22 abit too young to be thinkin about all these kinda things?? hmm.. or so i thought.

*but its really just like Bo0 to think about things like this lor.. hehe ;p he's stable like that.. n sometimes i just learn to appreciate it...*

ok, the story is, his old folks wana move.. n since his the onli one left stayin with them, they decided the flat will be under his name, since he be stayin there even aftr they gone n all.. i tink. i thought, 'ok cool, he's buyin' a flat.. thats kinda tinking of the future so that mus be good..'

so to ease his dilemma, i started asking him questions abt what he wants n all.. n he aint sure. hehe worse, his folks are leavin the decision to him! ahakz. i just told him to go with whichever flat he fancies, n he told me there are so many things to consider.. hmm.

i must've looked at him like his spewing jewish or something foreign then, because he went all the way to break it down and started explaining to what buying a flat is like nowadaez u noe.. like the loans (bank or hdb loan hehe see! i was listening!), the schemes available ( oh i noe.. he said something about the nucleus family what-not hehe), the pros n cons of buying flats of diff sizes, the locations n shite, n i went, ' whoa, i havent even thought of all this!!!'

n then it struck me. i havent, or rather, never thought about it.. at all. n dat, ladies n gentlemen, is a scary reality..

jeez.

i'm back...

2004-08-07T10:44:00.000+08:00

finally.. findin' some time to blog...

its been a hectic week.. i don't even know where to start!! it took me hmm leme see... 4641148143031989250964 hrs before i could find time to blog again. hmm. maybe less. im exagerating. hehe.

ok lets see. what happened thats exciting enough to write about. hmm..

oh.. oh! i finally had my fish n co aftr sooooo long. with Boo. hehe. cool. we sat thr till like we the only ones left n the staff were waiting for us to get our already-full lazy asses outa the restaurant. hehe..

n then... hmm. oh yeah. THE NOTEBOOK. watch it. soooooooooooo the romantic. i cried. n its been soooo long since i cried at the movies. hehe. watched it with my girlies ydae.. ned, ayu n ita. all 4 of us went out of the cinema with red, teary eyes. lol. i wished Boo was around to watch it too. the story was an eye-opener. really. go watch..

n the fireworks!!! we watched it from marina bay me n my girlies, with Boo, wawan n his fren. kinda far, but we saw it n thats what matters.. right? hehe. so nice, even got heartshape ones lor..

ok i'll be in again latr.. busy busy bee so many things to do... :p

my dream

2004-08-05T12:14:00.000+08:00

yesterday(actually, it was this morning, sometime within my 1-2hr of sleep) i dreamt..

i was standing infront of the mirror, looking at my reflection. and the girl starin' back at me had my exact same features, but SHORT (n i mean short-short) hair..

soooo. i always like to decipher what my dreams/nightmares could mean. i tink this time it represents a drastic change... u tink? but i dunoe which exact part of my life that needs this change... that be pretty hard to find out right? hmm.

a change in career? relationship-wise? physicality? change in environment? change in personality? change in.. hmmm... jeez

right abt now, i'm still contemplating on this.. hehe.

oh well..

*g'aftnn ya'all..*

2004-08-05T09:23:00.000+08:00

HIM

i don't understand.. HIM.

he makes me mad, sad sometimes (i dunoe how to react being mad makes me sad, being sad makes me mad.. gettit??)

sometimes... my mind blanks out everything and all i feel like doin is stare at the night sky.. till its dawn.. till the birds start to chirp.. till the alarm rings.. till its time to bathe, put on a happy face and go to work (burying myself in work makes me not think of it, you see.)

i don't understand... anymore.

i tink i'm tired. this is not exactly the best of days.

sooo... enjoy this song below, i got the lyrics, courtesy of Mija/mim.

"And you really didn’t think it would happen
But it really is the end of the line
So IÂ’m sorry that you turned to driftwood
But you have been drifting for a long long time
Everywhere there’s trouble
Nowheres safe to go
Pushes turn to shovel’s
Shovelling the snow
Frozen you have chosen
The path you wish to go
Drifting now forever"

-- Travis.

goin home.. i miss my brothers.

2004-08-03T18:06:00.000+08:00

i miss my brothers...

i suddenly miss both my iritating brothers.. it just struck me while i was typin away at the computer at work! WEIRDNESS.

for those who don't really know me, i have 2 younger brothers, the older(and much much bigger) of them just started his 1st yr in NTU, and the other one is in Sec 3.. V-E-R-Y different in personalities/dress sense/girl taste/opinions and almost everything else in between hehe, they almost always give me a reason to laugh at home.. (apart from the fact that i have maybe 1497464123487604 funnybones in me?? right yotz? hehe)

anyway, back to the topic. i tink i miss them!!! u noe that feelin' some pple get all of a sudden.. missin' people n just feel like callin/sms-ing/meetin' them up at the soonest instance? yeah well, im have that. hehe no, i don't live apart from them, n yes i do see them almost every other night, but that is like the only time i get to see them before i drift off to dreamland.. it doesnt leave us much time for anything else but goodnyte-wishes and kisses on the foreheads.. get what i mean?

i tink our hectic schedules have alot of shite to do with that.. ajib comes back from school onli ard 10plus at night (imagine travellin to n fro jurong and pasir ris everyday...jeez), and eta is almost always wiped out after 9pm.. n me, oh well.

i tink i jus wana go home n cuddle up infront of the t.v with 2 of my favourite homies this evening... *if they're home, that is!! hehe* have a nice tuesday evenin ya'all....

*MUAKZ*

hmmm

2004-08-03T13:57:00.000+08:00

hmm.. i love this song.

check this song out.. i tink i'm fallin in love wit it? hehe..

"You take me as I am (yeah, I'm a take you as you are)
Even when my girls can't understand
I choose you as my man
But you take me as I am, my, my man

You're the ocean that breathes that I feel when I'm blowing my trees alone
You're the sun that shines when the darkness strikes at night
You're the love of my life, you're my girl, you're my wife
You're mine, and I'm yours, you take me as I am
Wait a minute

Can't believe you take me as I am, am, am, no, oh
Even when they don't understand why you love me
I choose you as my man
Cause you take me as I am (take me as I am)"

- wyclef jean feat. sharissa, *take me as i am

*romantic ryteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... aWwww. jeez... i tink im in lurveeeeeee wit it...

i have no idea what to put as title..

2004-08-02T13:39:00.000+08:00

'some people take it too seriously, some people take it too lightly.."

had a minor tiff with someone, n he said the above, after i put down the phone with him, it just had me thinkin.. (he meant me as the latter, anyway, i tink..)

there are so many things in this world that is subjective.. ryte? it draws a fine line btw whats acceptable n whats not. i may find it ok, but u wont.. those kinda things. soooo who determines whats ok and whats not? or will it just remain subjective? so in a case like that, how do you determine who's the right party in a subjective squabble? or do you just let the matter rest w/o coming to a conclusion/closure?? hard aint it??

hmm. i tink it be quite hard to strike a chord btw 2 extremes.. i.e to find a balance. but maybe, just maybe, there would be an equal point of rest i.e where the matters come to ground zero w/o either party winning/losing???? hehe. am i makin sense? LOL. im not ryte? i tink i shd stop thinking out loud. hehehe...

ok ok. lets get over this before i make everyone confused hehe. i just think abt these things to myself sometimes, la. ;p its the 'deep-thinking' part of me.

well back to my little 'tiff' with that someone. i tink it was my mistake this time, i overlooked an impt detail, n he kinda pointed it out to me.. n explained his point of view. tho i did feel a wee bit pissed at him for being angry and questioning ( its the time of the month, i get pissed easliy) , i kinda put myself in his shoes for abit, n thought to myself.. well he's kinda right (as with abt most of the times hehe) n maybe i should have done things a diff way than i did... i'll try to next time. :p

*i tink we shd be thankful for having such people whu points out our weaknesses.. they make us better people.. and because of them we think back n learn from our mistakes... so.. thank you, Bo0..*

*amazing aint it.. for me to be able to react this way.. a few months back, i'd have just retaliated with MY own point of view and it end up an even bigger squabble with no resolution... just harsh words and lots of finger-pointing. hmmmmmmmmm...*

MoRninG ExERciSe!!

2004-08-02T13:10:00.000+08:00

Exercise on a Sunday Morning...

had a swim-date with ned, ayu n yotz... meeting place: t.m macdonalds. i was late hehe. waited for Bo0 bk from his nyte shift, then drove to meet them up. had a breakfast.. YUMMYyyy.. hehe. Talking abt them being civil servants (i'm the onli one among them in the private sector).. n yotz was dissin the policeforce n police coast guards (read: bO0) for always turnin up late at cases.. hehehe. bo0 was slpy.. out of nowhere he came up with.. 'BILA?' soooo oUt of context!!! jeez. n next thing we knew, yotz n ned got into it too. IRITATIONS. (hehe ayu didnt turn up, nuthing new since she was up till 5am clubbing the nyte before..)

Aftr tat, Bo0 dropped us off at Tampines swimming pool before makin his way back..

At the pool:-

YOTZ - was makin sure his hair looked perfect every 5mins (or less!).. me n ned were like.. 'ur hair's gona get wet anyway!!' he didnt give 2 hootz 2 what we said, and then he saw a someone that caught his eye... n his fetish for his hair got even worse! hehe

NED - she was makin sure she didnt drown in the pool - which was 1.0m deep btw, considering the fact that if she stood up she was 1.75m tall, so that makes her at least 0.75m above the waterlevel... hmm.. a safe distance up from drowning i shd add???? LOL.

the 2 of em were takin turns with the PINK goggles ned brought along. haha. weird lookin' at yotz wearin it, but he still insisted on it for all the wrong reasons!! he wanted to see who had nice bodies underwater!!! LOl.

n u guys ask why i always laugh so much... jeez.

sooooo..... we were just chillin n tryin to tan (me n ned) while yot looked around for more nice bodies.. hehe.. had a great swim-date with em really, yat trying to teach ned some strokes, ned complaining that she isn't moving at all, yot doin up his hair..me trying to get an even tan, ned trying float properly, yotz doin his hair up.. AGAIN, ned trying out diff swim strokes with the help of 2 unqualified 'trainers' (me n yot).. me just lying on my back like a lazy platypus.. and yat, with his hair, yet again... oh well.. hehe :p *did i tell u i loved these 2 bummers to bits? *

Recap: Sat Evening...

2004-08-02T09:52:00.000+08:00

Recap: Sat Evenin Happenings..

Soo.. Decided to meet my girlies aftr all on sat, forgo the colleague's darned BBQ. hehe. we headed to town ( i havent been to town in yonks!!), took the train (my 1st train ride in like months n months i tink!!!) me, yotz n ned.. n hadta wait for ayu n ita to arrive.. like half hr latr. dcided to take pics of ourselves outsd topshop. LOL. kinda weird how yotz n ned have this thing abt their digis. How come i dun have the same 'bonding' with MY digicam? hehe.

Then came B1 n B2.. <- ita n ayu. Lol. N then started more pic-takin. Don't even ask me wassup with them. Its just them n the digis. Hehe.

On another note, ned got infor abt someone in her life, n we were shocked really.. well, i was. I didnt noe how to react to it, or to her, so i just tried my best to not iritate her tat much. I tink she WAS feelin down, only she tried not to ruin the evening by showin it OUT. Thats just very her lor, she didnt wana ruin the evening for the rest of us, and bring our spirits down with her. Our Ned. *i do hope she's feelin better as i'm writing this out..*

Hungry, so we headed for some 'proteins' ( as yot calls it).. decided to walk towards Fish N Co, then we came across this foodlane set btw le meridien, and orchard plaza. so we settled.. yot got his fish n chips.. me ayu n ned settled for some malay food (which ayu had sooooooo much to say abt negatively). she made the already not so nice food even worse in my eyes. disgust.. cheh. then we just sat abt n talked. as usual, ayu came up with even more shite for us to laugh at... oh, n they finally begin to show some form of makin-up, ayu n yot, aftr the HUGE squabble they had for weeksss!! :p

lookin at them at that particular point of time, i was thinkin' to myself how the hell did i bury myself with work and away from them these past couple'a months.. i havnt met them up like this for sooooo long, it felt so good just to be @ town with them, slackin and laughin at their craziness, eventho' nuthg we did was even meaningful.. JEEZ.

on the train ride home ( with the exception of ayu whu went to boom boom).. more picture taking. all the way from cityhall, to simei. MADNESS! i havnt got any here, go to yot's - redsonnet, or ned's - spanishenvy to see our 'emo-pix' prowess.. hehe.

so thats basically how i spent my Sat evening.. great company, lots of laughter, insane pic-takin, meaningless discussions of life, mismatched personalities.. AND THATS JUST HOW I LIKE IT. :o

a slow, rainy sat morn... i shd be at home.

2004-07-31T10:36:00.000+08:00

sooo..

late to work AGAIN. was in the cab at 9.10, picked Angkong up from the main road bustop at 9.15, reached office 8mins later. lucky for both of us, the Boss and his bootlicker wasn't in.. YET. hehe..

when the bootlicker got in, he was ravin on n on abt the 'wrongful' usage of the company vehicle.. i mean, is that even his problem?? what has the sales dept got to do with keeping track of which personnel uses the company van? i mean... by our operations people using the company van, does it make your sales figures go lower?? someone explain it to me? jeez.

didn't find anything interesting to blog about ydae.. was kinda monotonous.. oh yeah, went out for lunch with Rizal, to bedok since we had to drop by the Bank.. thought i saw this guy i went out with on a few dates during poly... hehe. *ned, guess whu??*

i got home ard 9plus.. fell aslp waiting for a phonecall hehe.. *sorry Bo0, u called too late!* i was wiped out ard 10plus or 11, now... isnt that early?!

so the plan for today is... i be meetin Bo0 for lunch.. ( if he's already up, heard they got an operation thingie ydae n he came back late so i tink he's pooped) n then i was suposed to head to town with the girlies.. the mad bradybunch. N then Lynn told me she be having an impromptu BBQ at her place @ 6pm. Jeez. Now i'm torn. How do i arrange my time??? Do i cancel with the girlies n meet them up tmr.. or do i jus NOT go to the colleague's BBQ?

its too much for me to think on a lazy Sat la.. hehe.. leme go n get sumtg to munch ferst k.. *smiLeyZ*

thurs's song..

2004-07-29T18:52:00.000+08:00

groovin to the beat of...

"When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.

When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand.
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone.."

- R.E.M, *everybody hurts

*long time since we heard this on the airwaves.. eh?

tinkin' abt it.

2004-07-29T17:41:00.000+08:00

my thurs mornin rude shock...

i was sitting quietly doin' my thang.. when i got rudely interrupted by a very close colleague of mine. he needed help.

"can u get me information on womens' clinic?" he asked.

i looked at him, stunned for the few seconds. and then i said.. "u.. umm her.. umm confirmed?? testkit??"

"tested. positive" was his reply.

n i was stunned again. n then poured out the story. its already 2 months. n he has onli max 1.5 months more before it becomes dangerous to do anything for his gf.

jeez. he's torn. 2ways.

i didnt know what to advise him. for once i was lost for words. i asked him what was on his mind. he didnt ans. for that few mins we both sat outside our office. starin at nothingness. he was scared, i could sense. he had worry-wrinkles all over his forehead.

so i said.. " i'll try to look up for you the clinics.. but use this time to think it over with ur gf.. its time u both get married anyway.." they are both 27, btw.

i really didnt know what to say then.. i mean. its wrong both ways.. right? on one hand its wrong morally, and religiously.. on the other hand, i feel its just not right to go into marriage just because something had happened. i mean, its a rush that u're putting your whole life/future into.. right? Actually i also read the stats that couples who rush into such marriages tend to increase the divorce rates too.

and i've been thinkin' about his predicament eversince... :( somehow tinking about it makes me sad. jeez.

my song for this wed evening...

2004-07-28T18:49:00.000+08:00

i'm keepin up with this one for my Wed evenin'...

*I'm not suposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb

I try to hold this Under control
They can't help me 'Cause no one knows
Now I'm going through changes, changes

God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes*

- 3 doors down, *changes

nice???

busy busy busy......

2004-07-28T18:35:00.000+08:00

busy busy busy bee.....

haiz. ok. leme catch my breath ferst *inhales exhales inhales exhales* n im ready to blog...

well.. i had a busy day. i came into office on time..*woohoo* hehe. ok ok i was 1 tiny minute late. aftr that begins my normal morning madness... blink blink n its lunchtime. i met up with Bo0 for lunchies :0 had macdonald's n dessert aftr that hehehe... YUmmYyyyyyyyy... LOL.

n then a mad rush back to the office.. cos the boss is in and im suposed to be on a strictly 1-hr lunch.. but it was already past 1 hr!!! hehe. i creeped back in quietly tho, the boss didnt notice. *gRinz*

read ned's blog, she's still depressed, and im feelin for her.. she aint feelin so good nowadaez.. i hope she gets lifted up from this low.. soon. i aint close to him (her bf) so i dunoe how to get him to at least talk to her.. or sumthg like dat. see what i mean by love hurts?? hehe.. c'mon its true, admit it ya'all. but i do think she loves him deeply even aftr all the pain and heartache she been thru for and with him... haiz. now i am getting depressed for her. jeez.

nuthg much for this wed evening.. might be goin out with Bo0 latr, if he aint dead aslp or already out somewhr wit his mates.. if thats the case, i'd be slacking.. with Mumy dearest, whu's always complaining i hardly spend girl-time with her nowadaez.. hehe.

*ciao fer now.. be good!

song for tues...

2004-07-27T17:50:00.000+08:00

n this is for my Tues Evening..

"Through the trying times
Trying to get the best of me
I’m still finding time to show I care
With my crying eyes
I see contentment because of you"

- boyz2men, *trying times

*ciao for today peeps... enjoy the evening... i be goin home to my pearl red tea.. n my sofa heaven. hehe... anyone whu wana mt up for cofee or slacks.. i be at home yar.. ;p

tues morn..overload.

2004-07-27T10:06:00.000+08:00

27.06.04

Attn:whoever this concerns
Re: Tues morn... Overload

Dear Sir/Mdm,

With regards to the above caption, please be informed that having a meeting at 9.00am today was definitely NOT on my AGENDA for today. That, and being further harrased by constant name-calling bitchy asswipe clients (which you oh-so-conveniently diverted to me because quote:"oh i'm not as patient as you lah..") will NOT start off my Tuesday good.

Please be considerate enough to inform me of any changes in agendas.. BEFOREHAND. This will decrease your chances of getting cold stares and vibes from me. Due to this delay in information, I am NOT at my best during the meeting. My eyes be half-shut, my brains be half-working, and my fingers won't be writing down your pointless blabber. I will NOT take the blame for my body not functioning. YOU should.

As such, please do the necessary and F*@# off.

Thank you for you co-operation, and just leave me an e-mail only if you really HAVE to.

Best Regards,

Leen Rahman
Authorised Signatory

song for Monday..

2004-07-26T18:33:00.000+08:00

feelin' for this song for my Monday evenin..

"All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why did you?
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away..
And today i'm officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape..
But I fronted long enough to know
There aint no way..
And today
Im officially missing you.."

- tamia, *officially missin you*

*till tmr morn' peeps.. get some rest ya'all!!

timeout..

2004-07-26T16:13:00.000+08:00

timeout from office madness..

i hate work on mondays.. piles n piles of paperwork, reports to go thru, calls to return, figures to finalise, meetings to attend.. all on a rainy Monday morning.. jeez. but hey, it gets me sooo busy, i have NIL time to think about other pressing things in my personal space.. so i guess it works out equally.. RYTE?

ajeeb's starting uni todae. NTU. jurong.. JEEZ. he was so cute, like an anxious puppy in the morning preparing to go to skool again after a hiatus for n.s of about 2.5 yrs.. now he's gotta hit them books/notes/lectures/tutorials again. got a new bag.. his wardrobe's full of nikes/adidas's for skool, been workin out for em six-packs, got a new haircut, got new Adidas's footies.. and MY brother is ready and raring to go. hehe. i hope his 1st real day at skool after the orientations go just fine..

i've been getting harrased by clients at work.. since i stepped in. one called me abt 10 times within a span of 15mins. my patience - tested. thank my dad's genes for such endurance. if it was my mum's - jeez, lets not think abt the consequences!! sooo looking forward to the end of the workdae. i hope it comes, QUICK. can't wait to get home and just bum out. my Monday norm. a jog too, maybe?? :p

* i feel a wee bit better i tink, from the previous nytez.. See, some time to myself do work wonders for my spirits hehe.. to all those who've been worrying.. Ned, flimz, cass, boy, heydar n d rest whu worryingly called me up... I'm fine, I'll be ok.. N up n runnin'... Soon enough. Till then, miss me all you want.. ayte... :p

the gym, a few laps, pearl red tea n a looonnnnggg walk home....

2004-07-26T10:27:00.000+08:00

the gym, a few laps, pearl red tea n a looonnnnggg walk home....

Qn: what do all the above have in common??

A: keepin' yours truly occupied on a Sunday dats what!!! (ned's gona go..'healthy lifestyle keperrrr') *ja makes a face*

ok ok.. so i was bored. called up ayu/ita but these 2 princesses were stil aslp after a hard nyte'z of partyin... then i called ned up.. tink she's still depressed. soooooo packed my bags and off to the pool i went... did a few laps.. then went to the gym for some workout.. it was a sunday, thank god, most of the condo's residents were out shoppin or something.. i practically had the pool & gym to myself, apart from a couple'a others.. not that it bothers me, i kinda liked the serenity anywayz hehe.. maybe i needed it too.

that kinda ate up my aftrnoon/evening..

i got home all tired with achy muscles.. bummed out on d sofa, had my pearl red tea in one hand, and my trustess heart cushion on another.. n watched MEAN GIRLS with my 2 brothers.. laughs n ridicules on the plot, but time well spent with them both. hmm..

on another event..

i was at pasir ris interchange, went to get my toiletries from watsons n on the way back, i bumped into an old sec skoolmate of mine, whu was with her fiance.. aftr the missionary 2-cheek touches she gave me, she began asking me qns.. our conversation went something like dis..

S (her) : Eh ja, lama betul aku tak nampak kau... kau menghilang terus... what have you been up to??

me: nothing la, work onli... i havent been out that much actually..

S: oh, kau dah kerja??? (looks at me up n down - i was wearing beach shorts and a sleeveless tee with flip-flops - at that particular moment i somehow felt like i wasnt wearing anytg infront of her ) aku ingat kau masih sekolah lagi, masih lepak2 kat tamps.. tapi aku tgk tak berubah eh kau.. masih trendy lagi (with a smirk).. masih ader attraction mcm dulu..(sarcastically) *den she turns to her 'AYANG', and goes.. ' u tengok dier, tak mcm dah kerja eh, dia dulu secondary skool sama i tau...' (then she turns back to me abruptly..)

S: Ehhh, kau sorang2 gi jalan??? takder 'bodyguard' ker? kau dah tunang?? biler kau nak kahwin?? (all in one breath)

me: nolah.. i.. (when she cut me halfway..) *ja SMilez at her* (under my breath: rude %$~&%(&, dun u noe manners to cut people halfway like dat???!!)

S: kau kan dulu yg byk peminats (with sarcasm n a smirk)... takkan skarang kau single... ohh, aku luper.. ni tunang aku, H***... (at that moment i wished the mineral water in my hand would oh-so-conveniently turn into hot, no make that boiling cofee for me to 'accidentally' spill it on her black minah top..)

me: ohh... Hi..

H (the fiance): hi.. (he looks at me awkwardly.. 1 sec, 2 sec, 3 sec, 4 sec, 5sec, 6... n then he got PROTECTIVELY hugged by her!!!)

me: *pukeZZZZ oh puhleaseeeeeeeee*

*well, that conversation ended abruptly as i made up some excuse to go... jeez... wtf?? i was cursing undr my breath most of the way home.. i mean.. JEEZ!!!!!!! its one thing to be iritating.. its another to be RUDELY iritating!! for one, i wasnt lookin at UR guy, for two, he is soooo not my type, for three, i dun go for guys who wears sunglasses at NYTE, for four, i dun go for tapereds. get my gist????

*and what do U care how i dress..my parents didnt specify what i can/cannot wear (well 'cept for skimpy outfits which borders on obscenity).. just course im working doesnt mean i have to dress kakak2/minah2 office like U all e time!? kapiSh??

*and have you ever heard of financial/future/family plannin'? there is such a thing u noe.. and some people do just that!! jus course u're engaged with a tapered,flimsy-looking,scrawny mat doesnt mean i have to be engaged/married anytime soon too... its MY life anyway. chetz!

bummer.

spiritually down...

2004-07-24T13:03:00.000+08:00

a nice song that will keep me thru' the weekend..

"spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty and weightless
and maybe I'll find some peace tonight..."

those of u from friendster whu's readin my crap hehe.. u guys be havin fun this wkend yar dun drink n drive (!!)... and thanks for the oh-so-thoughtful pick-me-ups.... for those whu havnt gotten an a.c yet... jeez... go go get one.. then add me! accounts@skynetsin.com

another day~

*hey u noe what... i had a brilliant idea.. i tink i need a holiday!!!!!!!!!!!! *sumthg to think abt!!!* ned, yat, flimz, boy, sanz... whuever... any takers????




*ja still feels insecure @ the moment. jeez.......

rain on a saturday morn...

2004-07-24T10:42:00.000+08:00

hey hey.. its a lazy sat morn if u ask me. my eyes look horrendous cos i havent been sleepg so much these couple of nytes... jeez. so ugly. haha yeah yeah i noe.. yat n ned gona go... VAINPOTTTTTT. jeez. i AM a girl u noe.

ok lets recap. ydae morning, was early to work.. thats good. bad dae, moody dae, not much to say abt it. ydae evening, a mad rush to Traffic Police, Angkong got caught driving without bike insurance undr his name.. haiz. Needed a bailor. Went down thr - Boss sent me, mind u, did the gist, and left. With a migraine. I mean.. Can the workdae get any worse???

went to meet up with the mismatched brady bunch aftr dat.. NAD, AYU, ITA, SALLY, KAK PAH. hehe. they were contemplating on a movie to watch..BUT we ended up at coffeebean instead. SLACKERZ. haha. n then begins the usual nonsensical girl talk. Felt like old times.. only.. YOT wasnt thr, n Ned was a tad bit on the it-doesnt-matter-anymore mood. Ita was her usual aloof self, ayu was her usual wrong-grammar-vocab-english 'IRITATIONSSSSSS' self, sally was sleepy, and sharifah was still just her. hehe.

nothing we talked about made sense.. but we were talking abt how different each of us were.. n they said.. i was the mysterious one in the group , the one who is hard to know what/how im thinking/feeling. I am their audience, the one who watches over them, and their antics.. Am i?? Maybe.

i got home at 11.30.. nothing much to do/say.. and just as suddenly my alter-ego depressed side takes over. had a chat with BOo.. more questions. He's getting impatient, i can sense. But hey, its not my fault that im feeling this way, i didnt ASK to feel hurt, i just do, and i'm being frank about it. u do something, someone feels hurt, ever heard of.. TIME HEALS? so its the time factor...gime time, and i'll get over it. u dun get over it asap.. DO U?

i fel aslp at 7.30am, i got up 8.45am, all flustered and LATE!! showered, grabbed clothes, ran out, hailed a cab, got to work. in half hr. hehe... n its raining!!! JEEZ, what i'd do to get to stay at home right now...

i've gt to attend a bdae party latr, jeez.. a part of me i feel like just staying at home all cooped up.. the other part tells me to go out and have fun, go clubbing with ayu/ita tonyte, go on a date, go swimming.. just do something!!! Jeez.. HAve you ever met anyone as COnfuSed??

later.....

*im feeling rather insecure... For one crazy reason or another i wished he was around to hug me.. But the ego in me says NO..

entertainin myself.. readin 'scopez..

2004-07-23T12:51:00.000+08:00

Saggitarians...

You are one of the luckiest signs, because you believe in following your wanderlust to your bliss and living life to the fullest. You seek to be a sage, and every aspect of your life seems to flow from that basic ambition. Extraordinary reading comprehension enhances your scholarship. And your yen for travel is a metaphor for your quest for knowledge. An abiding sense of optimism constitutes the soles of your vagabond shoes. Your gregarious personality and ability to navigate your way out of adversity fuels your faith in fun and adventure. You sing in the key of freedom, and that has definite implications for your love life. A conventional long-term relationship doesn't appeal to you because it implies a restrictive commitment. Only one that would enable you to remain totally free would suit your idea of happiness. You would make a good single guy/gal, because routine crushes your spirit, and you want to see too much of the planet and its peoples to be anything but a nomad. Your happiness requires a multiplicity of stimuli, and you're unlikely to settle down enough to suit a significant other who doesn't understand your impulse to stay on the move. Your prognosis for happiness is high, indeed, because wherever you lay your hat is your home. People you meet along the way don't feel like strangers; you hold friends close and your liberal wit and relaxed style put people at your feet.

really meh????

let me cry..

2004-07-23T10:58:00.000+08:00

just let me cry.. i'll be fine aftr..

i cried the whole night ydae.. n part of the morning too. i cried myself to sleep. somehow i'd felt it tat nyte, but i brushed it off, thinking, 'nah, it cant be, im just paranoid or something..'

but hey hey, whaddya noe, GOD has a way of makin us see things.. well, maybe not us, but someone close to us, who will then relay what they saw to urs truly.

**WHY???? jeez, you could have just told me, i wouldnt be as upset or dissapointed as i am now. u noe i wouldnt mind, but u kept it away, u gave up a false front, u gave excuses. N thats what bothers me!!! the very reasons u gave that you thought would make it okay, are the very reasons that crushed me...totally... cos you are the last person i thought would do this. n now its done... i know.. u said your sorries.. but..**

just pls...let me cry, it keeps me sane. and don't ask me so many questions. it bogs me. ya'all have seen me at my strongest, now this is probably my weakest. just let me be.. i'll be fine..soon enough.

im tired... my eyes are soooo heavy, but somehow its filling up with tears again.. but i cant let it out. NO-NO. its professionalism. i hate work. i hate work at moments like this. i have to pretend to be strong when im not.

i wana go home. n bury myself in my comforter. n my teddy. n my music. n my bed... n i need a hug. someone.. anyone???

jeez.

hmm..

2004-07-21T10:18:00.000+08:00

hehe.. i still havnt got any nice nice shite done to this thing yet.. no time lah.. gime like a few weeks ok.

well.. was at the chalet on monday nyte, overnighted. Boo was thr.. with a whole bunch of his PCG mates. Felt outa place but oh well.. hehe. Stark contrast to the chalets that my normal clique of friends usually have.. no dancers for one thing hehe. the main event thr was the playstation set. lol the guys were practically queuin up to play!!!

Seeing the PCG crew reminded me of ana, hell been like 2 months nvr see her.. so i dialled her up, guess what, Ms Policewoman was on an exercise then.. at like 10pm in the nite!!! hehe weirdness.

Aftr that i called ayu up. She was at youth park. No surprise thr.

I think im starting to miss them.. aLOT. need to make plans to meet them up again. Its been a long time..

Anyway.. the crew started to leave ard 11.. i tink. I tried to sleep before midnyte.. was rollin n rollin on the bed bt couldnt slp. Went out again n watched Boo vs PCG fren play soccer. Aftr all that n truly tired out by then, all of us went to bed.. i tink ard 2am?? Not tt much action i know hehe..

*Saw another side of boo during this whole thing.. he was more patient.. more attentive. Or was it just me? Did the past few months of distance make me imagine things? hehe dunoe eh.. but i realised i missed him. Really..

*conFusiOn..jA*

test test

2004-07-19T16:51:00.000+08:00

ja's got her own blog!!!! hehehe testing testing.. i still wonder how this would turn out, but wtf.. thank ned n yat for makin me wana try this out.. neway.. jeez, im like a kid whu's trying out some new lego or somethin manz... i wonder how they get to change colours n shite.. i tink im gona have to bribe ned for a favour.. jeez.....